Ooops, I just freaked the girlfriend out with my gun.

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Freezebyte

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Uh oh, think I commited a major relationship felony this morning. I was researching OC and CCW as i've never considered the laws and regulations up until I got my first handgun. Now i'm get excited at the prospect of gun rights and laws and excerising my freedom as an armed US citizen. After a couple hours of research I thought to myself:

"Hmm, OC and CCW is BIG responsiblity to handle one I will have to slowly become accustomed too and understand my rights AND responsibilites of such a freedom"

My father had several revolvers when I was growing up and I learned to greatly respect and fear firearms at all times and learn proper usage and handling. I've only personally owned a .22lr rifle up until now, so i've never had the chance to even "holser" a gun. I decided to give it a try and see what it felt like just in my own home the "feeling" and "responsiblity" of carrying a firearm.

So I slipped my unloaded XD(m) 9mm in my stock holster and buckled my pants up and stood up with my first firearm attached to me. First thought was: "Man, this this is heavy, and its not even loaded!"

Second thought was "Man, this is a tremendous feeling of power and liberty yet ALOT of responsiblity to be doing this, and im just in my own home, let alone outside in city"

I moved into the bedroom where my girlfriend was starting to wake up and I smiled and held her hand softly and then she noticed my gun at my hip and said

"Uh, *** are you doing?"

"What? I'm just carrying it seeing how it feels and stuff"

"Umm yeah, im awake now and completely F'en freaked out"

She goes to take a shower while I ponder what I did wrong, then goes to eat downstairs and comes back a little calmer. "We need to talk" she says. Uh oh.....

We had our open minded discussion and feeling "talk" with eachother. My girlfriend is a very open minded individual that grew up with a father that had lots of guns and knew how to use them, so she was comfortable and excited for me on getting a gun for fun and SD/HD uses. But apparently, I crossed the "comfort zone" line when I started to holser my weapon inside the house. Here opinion/viewpoint was something like this:

"Normal people, do not carry guns around their house. They also dont spend hours at a time online watching people shoot their guns off, even if your just "learning" from watching them You can only learn by actually going to the range and shooting yourself and get training. Carrying a gun in our home is way beyond my comfort zone, let alone even taking out to excersise your "patriotic freedom" as a US citizen"

Basically, I was caught AGAIN, going full bore into a new hobby so fast with little regard of my G/F's feelings on the matter. I have a real tendancy with past experiences to back it up in regards to getting interested into a hobby, dropping everything else I do, spending exubriant amounts of money only a few months later to say to myself "Eh, im burnt out now. This is to much work and or money. I wish I didn't sell "blank" now for this. I"m done"

I've done this with cars, R/C cars, gaming, PC's, game consoles and it usually ends up my girlfriend freaking out in her manner of stating " Would you slow the F---- down?"

Me being the new gun person I am, I was shocked and dissapointed in myself for being careless yet I also feel i'm being somewhat "controlled" by my girlfriend, which of course is another subject entirely.

I need to ask fellow gun owners, how do you and your significant other/family feel about your gun hobby? What does he/she about if you have a large collection of guns? Some of you have insane amounts of firepower in your home and you have the right to do so, but is it really "normal" or "healthy" to be doing this or is my girlfriend just wacking out?
Some of you REALLY take this gun ownership to the extreme.

For example in some of my threads about general gun ownership questions, I've had posts like "Become one of us in the NRA, we are nation of strong and our libertys are being taken away! Fight the good fight!" or "Carry your own at all times, if you are not an armed citizen, you will be a dead citizen!" For irony, even I was thinking: "Whooo dudes, back down, Im not sighing up for a lifelong NRA member and getting SWAT training to defend myself or home, lets go easy, I just bought my first gun and I just had some questions. I didn't want to join the 2nd revolution or anything"

Thoughts, feelings, comments, suggestions, critisicm needed/wanted.
 
I was shocked and dissapointed in myself for being careless yet I also feel i'm being somewhat "controlled" by my girlfriend, which of course is another subject entirely.
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I'm not sure that I grasp exactly how you were careless. And yes, you are being controlled.

The minute somebody starts lecturing me on that 'normal people' do, that's my clue that they really mean, "I wouldn't do it and so I expect you to not do it either."

Where I come from, we call that 'controlling'.

You may be OK with it, but let's at least admit that it's what is happening.
 
Normal people, do not carry guns around their house.

You can only learn by actually going to the range and shooting yourself.
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I carry my .38 around the house and I'm pretty normal. Wife, 2 kids, 3 bed 2 bath in a pretty good neighborhood. I guess the only abnormality we have is instead of a truck and car, we have two trucks to drive.


How are you going to learn anything by shooting yourself? The only thing that you would learn is that bullets hurt.(I know, not useful, but had to throw it out.)
 
My thoughts and questions on this...

How long have you been with this girl? And if you share finances, she definitely has a say in what you spend money on as well as the velocity in which you siphon funds from your bank account.

Also, how did you present yourself with your gun strapped on your hip? Could you possibly have come across as appearing menacing? From what you wrote, though, it seems to me that she has no problem with you having the proverbial shotgun in the closet and a pistol by the bed to protect the home. However the concept of you toting around any man-portable whuppass anywhere else is beyond her ability to accept or understand. If you are a mature enough individual to handle the responsibility, then do so as you wish. It's time to have a talk with her - not just a one-way lecture.

She has to respect your feelings and thoughts as much as you have to do so with hers. Should this break down on either side, your relationship is shot (pardon the extraordinarily bad pun... I just couldn't help myself.)

ETA: I routinely carry around the house. I don't immediately put my wallet and watch away when I get home. My gun gets treated the same way.
 
How long have you been with this girl? And if you share finances, she definitely has a say in what you spend money on as well as the velocity in which you siphon funds from your bank account.

Also, how did you present yourself with your gun strapped on your hip? Could you possibly have come across as appearing menacing? From what you wrote, though, it seems to me that she has no problem with you having the proverbial shotgun in the closet and a pistol by the bed to protect the home. However the concept of you toting around any man-portable whuppass anywhere else is beyond her ability to accept or understand. If you are a mature enough individual to handle the responsibility, then do so as you wish. It's time to have a talk with her - not just a one-way lecture.

She has to respect your feelings and thoughts as much as you have to do so with hers. Should this break down on either side, your relationship is shot (pardon the extraordinarily bad pun... I just couldn't help myself.)
Click to expand...

We've been together almost 3.5 years, not married yet. She's been living with me for about a year or so. Shes off and on work as an archeologist so I provide MY apartment for us and pay the bills except for hers. All my hobby funs come out of my pocket, not hers. Part of the problem is

A: She doesn't have alot of spending money compared to me "Due to off and on work"
B: She grew up in a family that didn't have alot of money, so to see me "wasting" money on hobbies that fell flat, upsets her
C: Shes a woman
 
i'm lucky in that my GF likes to shoot too, but she's not into it as much as me. my former GF went through the same thing yours is going through right now though. the first time she saw a gun on my hip her eyes got as big as saucers.

we had a similar talk. the end result was, well, i'm going to do it regardless since it doesn't negatively affect you or my obligations to the relationship, bills, etc and that is now my standard rule.

if myself or my girlfriend wants to do X, then by all means go for it! if i can still pay my half of the bills and it doesn't consume all my time or negatively affect her in any way, i'm going to do it. i don't tell her what to do and she doesn't tell me what to do provided the above conditions are met.

i'd suggest you try this solution with your GF. "feeling" scared for no valid reason is not a good enough cause for her to object to you carrying a gun. she is a grown up and can cope with her fears. she doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. you might let her do that if you choose but i wouldn't recommend it. it snowballs into one person controlling the other and that does not make for a healthy relationship.

i've taken up a bunch of hobbies too over the years. some have fallen by the wayside, some i still do but all of them were my choice and didn't affect the SO so i did them. i even invite the SO to try virtually everything i do. usually she declines but that's fine. if she's not into what i'm into, so be it.

you GF may never come to like it, but its not her place to try to restrict you from doing what you want. especially something that is your Constitutionally protected right.

the former GF, the one who objected at first warmed up to it after a while. so much so that even though she never went shooting with me or got into guns, after couple years, she would frisk me before we left the house to make sure i was carrying. she grew quite attached to her security blanket, an armed SO, out in public.

stand your ground and if its something you really care about, do it. explain your reasons and rationale and hopefully she'll understand and accept it.

Bobby
 
There's some merit in what your GF said especially the part about going to the range & getting some training. An NRA basic handgun safety course & a CCW class would be good starters (taking the class doesn't mean you have to get a permit right away)

When we started out my wife wouldn't allow me to keep a gun loaded in the home. I had some of the same discussions W/ here that I've had W/ you but it took a politically motivated road rage incident to expose some of her vunerabilities & now she not only respects my decision to be armed at all times but SHE has a permit and SHE carrys

I would ask GF some of the same questions I've asked you, " Dear, if someone broke in tonight do you think we could acess the gun soon enough to protect ourselves?"
 
The fact that you are somehow feeling guilty suggests to me that you are, in fact, being controlled.

I've been there.

And it may well be that your views are incompatable.

This is a time that you assert your feelings, beliefs, and views. As I see it, she may accept that view, or she may not. That is entirely her choice, and is entirely outside of your realm of control.

All you can do is express your intent. Her choices are her own.

Or you can choose to forfeit your views and values in order to appease her. That would be your choice. Just make sure that you realize that you WOULD be making that choice.

I personally have dealt with FAR too many controlling people in my life. I've dealt with far too many guilt trips and subtle manipulations. I've come to recognize them when I see them. Perhaps because of some of those experiences, I find that *I* am probably more controlling than I would have been otherwise.

As I see it, all relationships are -- in varying degrees-- a power exchange. The question becomes what exchange will those in the relationship want. There is no "right" or "wrong" answer to that other than what works for the people involved. It is WRONG if both are seeking control, and it is WRONG if both are evading control.

I've seen relationships fail from both scenerios.

I say all of this because it is often a good idea to gain an understanding of yourself and your partner within the conventions of your relationship, and determine if the dynamic of the relationship is conducive to your views, values, and disposition.

If so, great. If not, you are in a world of hurt-- now or in the future.


Know thyself.

Act accordingly.


-- John
 
Some significant others come around on this topic while others don't. When I first got married my wife and I had some pretty intense arguements about guns. At one point I thought we might be done as she wanted me to get rid of them. I explained to her that I was a gun owner before she met me and having and shooting guns was part of what made me who I am. She has slowly come around and in fact today has a few guns that are hers.
As for carrying around the house I think you will find quite a few of us who do it. I will put on my gun if I know I am going out even if I am not leaving at that moment. I will also leave it on when I get home until I am ready to settle down for the night.
 
"Normal people, do not carry guns around their house. Wrong, "Normal people do this all the time, especialy in bad crime areas.




They also dont spend hours at a time online watching people shoot their guns off, even if your just "learning" from watching them

Also wrong. or many who don't have a range handy, or the money to go to a range and shoot a lot do just this. Video training is a good way to augment range time.





You can only learn by actually going to the range and shooting yourself and get training. Wrong and right, you can learn by watching videos but you AUGMENT it greatly by putting onto practice what you learned by doing at the range.




Carrying a gun in our home is way beyond my comfort zone, This is the worst of the statements she made, for many reasons, but the worst being that she in no way even wants to discuss the real reasons why you should carry in the house. Just because it is "Way beyond HER comfort zone" and she is not willing to discuss iot with you leads me to believe she is someone who will try to dictate everything else in your life from now on if you cave on this one.






let alone even taking out to excersise your "patriotic freedom" as a US citizen" That is a nit pick, and out of context if I have ever heard something. Are you sure she isn't a total closet liberal gun hater? Just because she "grew up around guns" doesn't mean she is pro gun ownership. It seems she has put a lot of limits on your rights to me.

personally would drop her and look for someone else if it gets to the point she gives you an ultimatum. I would talk to her about the issue, let her know about how you feel about your rights and see where it goes.

GOOD LUCK!
 
Hmmm, interesting situation. Your girlfriend freaks out because you are basically trying on your holstered gun to test for fit, weight, basic handling all things you should do to make sure you become very familiar with the operations/ function of the weapon. This to me seems like something a safety minded gun owning CCW utilizing person should do. I frequently holster my weapon at home, trying a new holster, dry firing, draw drills etc in the comfort of my home while using strict safety procedures. Lets extrapolate............GFgotta new car and wants to try it on for size, fire up the engine, maybe go a little faster than normal to, "See what she's got", should she have to go to a race track to try her new ride out? More people are killed every year by car accidents than guns. Ok lets go a step further, GF bought a new bikini and wants to try it on for size/ fit/ alterations etc. Should she have to go to the beach to try her bikini on???? More people die in drowning accidents every year than are killed by guns.........I know that I'm being petty but, none of these things are rights, they are priviledges. Gun ownership is a constitutional right and what you do and when you do it with your weapon which was legally purchased by you is your business as long as its done in a safe/ law abiding manner.................I think I would find a new GF.:cuss::cuss::cuss::cuss::cuss:
 
Freezbyte;

I'm in Great Falls. I carry in the home. I've been doing it for a long long time.

I know about the hobby syndrome too. The trick is not to burn out, it's to rotate as needed among, say 4, to keep interest without going overboard.

PM me if you are close enough & want to meet to discuss FTF.

900F
 
It's easy to become somewhat mono-maniacal over any new interest: Guns, sports, stamp-collecting, a new girlfriend. You can wind up boring the heck out of your friends, babbling about this new Big Deal. That's so commonplace that it's not even news.

The question we all gotta ask ourselves is whether or not we're going overboard about this new interest--and make an effort to be objective and honest when so doing.

The opening post sounds to me like a bit of "overboard" on the part of both people. A bit too much "Oh, wow!" enthusiasm on his part and a lot of naive and ignorant objection on her part.

Life is full of responsibilities. Cars, guns, food on the table, bills paid. Still, for all that there are enjoyments in using guns, they're still no more than tools, just like cars, steak knives, wrenches, saws and hammers.
 
Freeze,

I think some good points have already been brought up.

I will add that I think your approach may have been a big part of the problem. Waking your g/f up in the morning with a gun strapped to your hip may have been a little over the top.

I think that if you exercise the proper responsibility, safety and mutual understanding of each others concerns, she should come around. Of course this is only based on the limited background you provided on your g/f in your original post.

Unfortunately I do not live in a CCW friendly state, so I can't entirely comment based my own personal experiences. However, I can tell you how my wife felt when I went from owning rifles to buying my first hand gun. She was fine with rifles because those could be used for hunting. We disscussed the handgun purchase for months before I actually bought the hand gun, but when I brought the gun home she still wasn't very comfortable. With some time and more discussion her feelings became much more positive. She knows that I enjoy target shooting and there a lots of people that share my hobby. I brought her down to my range and introduced her to other people and let her shoot. She will never be interested in getting into the sport herself, but at least she understands a bit more about it and the negative stereotypes have been dispelled.

I realize this is not 100% on point with your situation, but I believe you will stand a better chance if you let your g/f see what is you enjoy about shooting and why you want to carry concelaed.

Oh and don't spend hours online researching guns like me;)
 
It sounds to me that you may have an additive personality.
By jumping from one hobby to the next is indicative of that.

There is a big difference between RC cars and carrying a firearm. Video games and model cars are only money. Handguns can mean the difference between life and death.

I would do some introspective thinking about why you have become interested in firearms.
I will admit that they are much more interesting than most hobbies. There is history behind them. Our whole country owes them our freedoms.

If your GF's father is into guns, why don't you go shooting with him?
Perhaps you might gain some insight to her reactions as well as his reasons for maintaining a relationship with firearmms.

Training never hurt anybody. A CCW class or an NRA safety class is only the beginning.
 
Yeah, you're definitely being controlled!

She should respect you enough to allow you to carry a gun if that is what you want to do.

I'd dump her!:evil:
 
you freely admit to jumping into new things with 140%.
and than losing interest.

relationships are all about control
no their not
yes they are........and on and on

how would it be if you talked yourself down to a me 88% endeavor and she would have naught to 'speak' about. no control issues.

and while you can observe a lot by seeing--after a while you have to pick the bat up and swing at some real pitches.
she sounds like a keeper; good luck

i looked at your video---STOP TOUCHING THE TRIGGER---grrrrrrrr bad: no biscuit for you
 
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That's quite an interesting morning I'd say. I actually went through a similar event with my wife.

She is actually quite pro-gun, but is not comfortable around them even at this point in time. This is due to her having not fired one or been around one when fired, so it is entirely attributable to the mystery of it and she is aware of that.

When I got my CHL and wanted to start carrying, we sat down a worked out an agreement. When I first started carrying, we agreed that as soon as we got home, I would disarm. This morphed into, when I got home and we had no where else to go that day. From there it morphed into a laissez faire mindset, where as long as I wanted to have it on, she didn't care. She basically grew accustomed to it, and even comforted by my having it on at home (especially with the occasional unannounced visitor knocking on our door).

My advice would be to inch her into it. She sounds like she's open to the idea, but just not accustomed to it yet. However, if you're serious about this lifestyle (and it is not for the weak-minded or those that lack conviction) then I would demand a little give on her side as well as yours. Consider her feelings, assure her that this is a major life decision, not merely a hobby, and get some good training and I think you'll find her much more receptive of the idea than her initial reaction.
 
yet I also feel i'm being somewhat "controlled" by my girlfriend


get used to that and if thats hard do NOT have daughters
 
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