Laid down the law on my anti-gun girlfriend...success!

Status
Not open for further replies.
The last century or so "civilizied" society has had overall an unprecedented period of tranquility and safety. As our society as it is now, begins to crumble with the ever encroaching poverty and urban decay, some of these "Bliss-Ninny Fairy-Tale" folks will begin to be enlightened... This will be at the cost of a great many of them at first before a survival instinct kicks in.
 
Ahh.. I like this thread! In the same situation as the starter right now, although when she said she didn't want me to have guns I dumped her, but she called back later and explained her points and whatnot so I halfass took her back but we're not nearly as serious as we were before.
 
I believe we are broken up.

She cited her fears of accidents (kid finding it, kid shooting someone else accidentally, kid shooting someone else intentionally, kid shooting self intentionally, me shooting her accidentally, etc.) as the reasons we shouldn't have guns in the house. I said "people have a right to defend themselves and their families, but people in general do not have a right to feel safe. If you decide that you don't want this relationship based on that, remember that I said I would give up my life to protect yours. What other boyfriend has ever said that to you?"

She walked away without saying anything.

:(
 
Don't let up, whatever happens it's for the best. You are obviously young, so don't let your feelings that she's the "only one" etc. get to you. Have those feelings, you can't fight them, but make decisions with your head.


I didn't do enough, but what little "laying down the law" I've done has been enough to save my guns and my sanity during all the "stages", when the issue comes up between us.

- Dating
- Getting Engaged
- Moving in Together
- Getting Married
- Having Kids.

She can never argue that she didn't know about my collection, my belief in self-defense, and my shooting going into our relationship, or at any stage since when she tried to press the issue. And it's an effective argument stopper.

Although, I don't hold a lot of respect for how she feels about my guns as she's all over the map about them and very inconsistent, ranging everwhere from pro, to neutral, to anti, depending on her mood.
 
jlbraun,

Deep breath, let it out slowly.

Been following this thread since its inception and wondered why no one ever pointed out that there are a lot of people who, never having had any experience with violence, home invasions, or any kind of attack, do not *really* believe such things are possible.

There is a mindset that says, if you prepare for a disaster, you will precipitate one. It is irrational, magical thinking - making sure there is air in your spare tire is asking for a flat; having a first-aid kit makes you accident prone; taking a CPR class will bring on a heart attack.

This attitude is reinforced in that some (probably not many - none that I know) persons who regularly carry may be prone to get into altercations they could have avoided (again: no one I know). There is a saying that one should never go anyplace armed that one would be afraid to go unarmed.

This is a long-winded way of saying the lady is afraid to confront the reality of someday actually being faced with someone who wants to hurt her. Many people go through life without ever being in a life-threatening situation. Actually thinking about, and preparing for, something as "unthinkable" as a home invasion is "creepy" to these people because it makes the home invasion real to them, and that is uncomfortable.

She is young. I think maybe both of you are young. Time and experience may temper her fears; or maybe not, maybe she will live a long, happy life in her condition-white cocoon.

It is not up to you to damage her unrealistic outook; it is up to you to respect her feelings and help her confront her fears, and slay her dragons, *if and when she asks you to do so* - and it is up to you to look for someone more compatible with whom to share your future.

Good luck in your quest, and don't count her out of the picture for several weeks yet - she might just pick the newspaper up and read about an incident of the exact thing you wish to arm yourself against, and finally get the point.

Regards,
Andrew
 
My Girlfriend and I have two foster children, she has two adopted children, and when we got together I had just gotten my permit. Shortly after I had her go get hers. This woman is practically neurotic making sure I lock my weapons when they are not secured on me. She doesn't own a gun herself, but accepts that I not only own several, I am also prepared to use them if needed. The night we had the "Katrina survivor" crash into our house high on crack-cocaine and alcohol at 2am was all the proof she needed there. I'm not bragging about this, merely pointing out that if she had any doubts about needing one before, then her questions were answered for her.
 
Sorry to hear that jbraun, but keep your chin up. This probably feels like the whole relationship wasted your time and that you may not find someone with the same or better qualities that you found in the anti-ex-girlfriend, but just keep yourself together and learn from this relationship.

With the next girl (and there will be a next one no doubt), you need to get your boundaries out of the way early in the relationship, probably much earlier than you think. My rule (when I was single) was three dates. If, by the third date, I hadn't exposed the young lass to my boundaries (trust, honesty, guns, RKBA, survival, personal responsibility, religion etc...) it was do or die, the conversation HAD to be initiated. If I didn't feel comfortable enough to intiate it, the girl obviously wasn't "serious material" for me and that was that.
 
I think you are going to be better off without her in the long run. Pardon the pun, but I really think you just dodged a bullet on this one and saved a lot of grief for yourself in the future.

At least you found out now and can cut your losses rather than several kids, half your stuff and thousands $$$$$ in bank-busting court/attorney fees and lopsided child support and alimony payments later.

Find someone that accepts you and all your warts.

Run away from anyone who thinks they can or should change you, control you, improve you..........you is what you is.
 
OK, so she's come back after a week or so of not speaking to me and pouting to say "OK, I'd be OK with ONE loaded gun in the house that's locked in a safe in the bedroom, you practice with once a month, but no more than one gun, and no recreational shooting or concealed carrying everywhere. That minimizes what I feel is a risk of accident, while preventing you from not being able to protect me adequately in the event that someone broke into our future house." (The area we live in has a major meth problem.)

I haven't replied yet, saying I'm thinking about it. I think this represents a major giving in on her part, but it still isn't what I'd like (CCW, one rifle, one pistol, one shotgun).

Thoughts?
 
I would be inclined to learn from this experience and move on. You are the best judge, but the issue here isn't the guns...it's her controlling approach. It would likely happen again on the same or on a different topic.
 
Yes, tell her how you feel. Simple as that. "No, I want 1x Each, I will practice when I want and I will carry when I feel the need. Those are my boundries, please do not throw away our love and relationship over something so trivial. I still love you, please think it over and get back to me."

Done.
 
Reject!

Dump her, move to Texas, and find a local girl.

Last time I checked over 20% of the CHLs issued here (TX) go to women.
 
You are the best judge, but the issue here isn't the guns...it's her controlling approach. It would likely happen again on the same or on a different topic.
Click to expand...
That's what my Spidey-Sense tells me. I can see no good coming from this.....
 
OK, so she's come back after a week or so of not speaking to me and pouting to say "OK, I'd be OK with ONE loaded gun in the house that's locked in a safe in the bedroom, you practice with once a month, but no more than one gun, and no recreational shooting or concealed carrying everywhere. That minimizes what I feel is a risk of accident, while preventing you from not being able to protect me adequately in the event that someone broke into our future house." (The area we live in has a major meth problem.)
Click to expand...

Yeah, sprinkled among her debatable "reasonable compromise" points are a couple of really big control issue warning flags for me.

.
 
If she's going to be controlled by her irrational fears, then things aren't going to get better. Tell her to buck up or get out. Either she tosses the irrational fear monkey off her back, or she doesn't.

You don't want to settle in with a woman that gives in to irrational fears, especially if those fears involve you.

Don't let her saddle you with her fears, then she's on your back, with a monkey on hers. Bad situation.

Tell her to grow up. You go shoot when you want. You'll keep the guns safely stored when not in use, but that's just because you're the responsible sort anyway. You'll keep as much ammo as you want. If she has a problem with any of that, drop her like a sack of potatos.

Tell her to get off her fear wagon and get with the program.
 
i think most antis can be reasoned with,and if they cant keep um around for the fun of argueing.Thats my 2 cents,plus hell I love to argue with antis.
 
My thoughts?

One loaded gun?
In a safe?
Only practice once a month?
No recreational shooting?
NO CCW?!?!

Well....do you really need to ask? This will NOT end well.

DUMP HER!
 
You know, I'm thinking about my sister in law who doesn't love guns. I don't think she's ever even come close to telling her husband whether he can have any, where he can shoot them, whatever.

If he does anything that looks remotely unsafe, she yells at him. If he was to leave an unlocked gun attended around the kids, she'd probably beat him with it. She insists that any guns not under his control be locked up. She gripes when he spends money on guns she feels can be better spent on household repairs or whatever.

But she has never once told him what *he* can do with guns or about guns so long as it doesn't have a direct affect on the safety or well-being of their family.

To me, that's the difference. She doesn't have to like guns. She doesn't have to have one, or shoot one and if you don't respect her request to keep them locked up when you have kids, I'm good with her giving you an ultimatum.

But that's not what she's doing. She's controlling you, not asking that you control your guns.
 
Maybe I'm just cynical, but when I read "our future house" my first reaction was what she really means is "her future house".

If you get married and buy a house, and the guns become a heated issue in the future, (which seems likely), it will be her house, and you will spend a LOT of money extricating yourself from the relationship. It doesn't take much inquiry to find out what usually happens to the male in divorce court. If guns are an issue, all she has to do is claim that she feels threatened by you and you could lose not only your guns but your right to own any firearm.

If she feels threatened by your firearms now, what do you think she will tell her attorney or the police in a divorce?

It looks like your choice is the woman or the guns. I seriously doubt that you will have both for very long if you choose this woman.

She isn't giving in, she's waiting to be in a more powerful position, and living together or getting married will assure that she has it.

Like many have already said, this is a control issue and you are very fortunate that it has come up now.

Get as far away from her as you can so you aren't tempted to go back. Immediately start looking for a partner that wants to share your life, not control it.

FWIW

GB7
 
I haven't replied yet, saying I'm thinking about it. I think this represents a major giving in on her part, but it still isn't what I'd like (CCW, one rifle, one pistol, one shotgun).

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Basically, what Green Lantern said.

The sad thing is, this probably really IS a major concession ... from her perspective. However, it is still ridiculous. How is that one unloaded gun sitting home in the safe going to help if you get carjacked on the way home from the movies? I don't know how good you are at shooting, but IMHO being TOLD that I can practice one time per month ... NO MORE ... doesn't instill a lot of confidence in the future of the relationship.

Yes, she has made what she feels is a concession -- but she simply doesn't understand that she has no right to control you. She does not comprehend that we live in a potentially dangerous world, and that the protected are not in a position to dictate to the protectors the terms of the protection. How did she conclude that the ONLY time you might ever need a gun is when you're both home at night?

It's tough to let go of a relationship in which you have invested three years, but this young lady is not willing to allow you to be yourself, or to be a man. That's a definite problem.
 
Bug out, she's willing to compromise, compromise as to what level she's going to control you, for now.

Love, integrity and respect cannot coexist in the same relationship as control. Bug out fast dude.
 
Well, I've BTDT and recently. I'm getting divorced and was married 30 years. She wasn't anti-gun, but didn't like CCW or loaded guns in the house. She actually owned 2 handguns herself, a Glock 19 and a cheapie 22 pistol. She helped my father and I work gun shows even.

But, she was kind of controlling, and a miserable bitch on a moderately bad day (almost bi-polar, even).

Now, I'm currently in a good relationship with a sweet charming lady that accepts ALL my flaws. She shoots, hunts, has a 25 Auto pistol and a pre-64 Win 94, fishes, loves bikes and living in the North (the ex hated the North, she moved back to Arkansas). Current lady doesn't mind when I carry, either. She shoots that gun as well (M9 Beretta).

Dude, there's more fish in the sea, don't accept less than the best for you. She's definitely out there, mine was.
 
Hawkmoon, at least we're talking that a loaded gun at home is OK. It's just that "one gun, loaded in a bedside safe, no more other guns, no CCW" is what she thinks represents a compromise, when I don't think this is in her sphere at all. I agree in that I think her fears of accidents are what's driving her here to project her fears on me.

Sigh. Still thinking...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

A
  • Locked
Help! Anti-gun Girlfriend.
2 3 4 5 6 7
Replies
165
Views
8K
bushmaster1313
B
P
  • Locked
My new girlfriend HATES GUNS!
2 3 4 5
Replies
123
Views
6K
Aguila Blanca
A
R
  • Locked
anti girlfriend
2 3 4
Replies
96
Views
5K
Missouri Mule
M
P
  • Locked
Conversation with my mother-in-law
Replies
20
Views
2K
rick458
R
B
  • Locked
CPS called on me and girlfriend because I own guns.
2 3 4
Replies
87
Views
9K
Jorg Nysgerrig
J
Back
Top